Contiplative

Well...Wow..it's been a really long time since i've acutally taken time to write in this.  I guess I felt that none of my feeling werent' all that worth while to share.  In the past few days alot of things have happened that have really made me think and appreicate where I am in my life, where God has taken me and what he has blessed me with.  I kind of hesitate to type what I want to tonight, but I feel God really laying on my heart to share what I am thinking, otherwise I know that it will stay bottled up in my heart, and I may even regert saying how I feel. 

God never gives his children more than they can handle.  I know that I have delt with things in my life that have prepared me for my life as I know it.  Even though it my hurt me to think abut 4 years ago, God has forced me to relive and bring up the feelings that I felt in order to help a friend through one of the hardest times in her life.  I don't understand why things happen when they do.  But yesterday on Valentines Day my roommates' boyfriend's Dad passed away.  Why honestly does God bring up reminders about things that he knows hurt badly in the first place.  Seeing how Rachael dealt with helping Matt reminded me of the difficulties 4 years ago with my ex boyfriend.  I actually found the poem I wrote for him and him mom that conveyed how I felt.  I wrote: "Life Doesn's always turn out the way you want, events happen when they are not supposed to, but usually they make you appreciate life, living and love just that much more."

Rachael and I were talking yesterday before she left to go to Matts, and I was telling her how sometimes I really hate Valentines Day, It seems like the worst things always happen and ruin the day, like seriously can't God hold off one day to drop bombs on people.  But then Rachael said someting that really made me think about how i felt about Love.  God loves us soo soo much that he allowed his son to die for us, he also loved Mr Lesko enough to heal him so completely and take him home to be with his creater.  And to top it all off God brought a new little life into the world with in hours of each other. Wow, Love...What does Love mean to you, how do you define Love. 

I know how much it hurts to watch a family hurt so much that you wish you could take the pain away, or even that it was you, because in some strange way you feel that if it was you, it would't hurt them nearly as bad if it was you instead of who it was. God gave me the strength then and also helped me to help someone else that I care about later on.

In Honor and Memory of Mrs. D and Mr. Lesko...

How BIG is YOUR GOD?

Just a simple question..that could be answered so many ways.....

So I have a little extra time to write.  Things are going well here in Apt. 7.  I'm stressed about all the papers that I have to write and when their due, plus i'm working every tuesday and thursday, which adds a lil spice to my weeks. haha

I went to watch Serria Smith run this past weekend.  I was sooo exicted to cheer her on, it's been a looong time since i've chased after her to scream at her for watching people as she's running.  She did very very well.  I was soo proud. 

Colette, Andy, Matt and I are all going out to eat and to a Corn Maze tonight.  I'm sooo excited.  I went to one last year with Heather and a few other girls from Kohl, it was haunted, yonno one of those where pple dress up and chase after you with fake chain saws... I was so scared I was laughing and crying at the same time.  C'mon! I'm a scardy cat, you had no idea when they were gonna jump out at you!!

This week was Kappa Phi service week, but I didn't really get to do anything b/c I had to work both days that big things went on.  They went to a retirment home and gave out cards and signs. I'm sure the residents really loved to have them there.  And we were supposed to do a rake n' run, but this fall weather cancelled it!!

I got Rach some free soft and dri deoderent today from MTV...they are on campus to talgate the game...

I've talked to a few ppl from the beach the past few days...Dan, is havin a grand ol' time carvin pumpkins...I want to carve a pumpkin, I asked my daddy to get one for me so I can carve it when I get home this weekend!!  Nathaneal was typing to me durring class...bad Nathanael...shouldn't you be paying attention durring class!! haha Melody from one of the IWU teams left me a msg.. I was soo excited to hear from her.  O and Olivia locked her keys in Lifestyles gym...

So how 'bout this crazy weather?!  It's hot, then it's cold...then it's hot, then it's cold....now i've got a cold...hehe o boy do I love fall weather!

Well i'm outta here to go pick up my pay check! yay!

Hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend....specially you IWU'rs...

L

So first things first...I am employed now! I'm quite excited..I start today at 6 pm...I'm excited but nervous at the same time...I've never worked at a place like this before.. It shall be a new experiece. 

Second..I made a new friend today..his name is Wally...Wally the Walnut.  I met him today on the way home from class.   I found that he and I had alot in common.  We'd both been droped from our tree that we had been so confortable in, and had been trying to find our place in this world.  Wally had been kicked around alot, and had quite a few scares on him, he knew exactly how I felt...sometimes feeling abandon but other times so content to stay where I was at.  As we walked...(well I walked he rolled) I noticed that he had a hard time staying on the straight and narrow, he kept being distrated by other things in his path....so many more things were more appealing than the immedite future.. Sometimes it's hard for him to see the big picture, because he's so small and most  of the time cannot see the rest of world...and has an even harder time imaging what the future may hold for him.. Granit he was thinking about what he was going to do once he got home, but rough areas had him distracted from him ultimite goal.  This happened quite a few times on our walk/roll home.. Sometimes,  I even worried about him making it all the way home.  But Wally knew that there was no doubt that he would make it home.  He knew that there was an ultimite plan for him before he made it home, even if it took him a bit longer than what he had planned.

I feel like Wally does alot...  but then I look around me and see how blessed I am, and remember that my course of life has already been planned out for me...I don't need to worry..at all......Thank God for good friends good memories, and amazing things to look forward to in the future...

So the next time your feeling crappy, under the weather...depressed, lonley, and afriad of what is to come...Remember that there is someone who always knows how you feel, or someone who is feeling the same way, don't be afraid to voice your feelings....we didn't build this world not speaking.  Fully RELY on GOD....it makes life so much easier..and please please remember your not alone in the way you feel, there are millions of people feeling the same way.  But you...have the key feeling better...

God BlessL